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My daughter is 11 and was just diagnosed in August 2010. She wears the Omni Pod and she is VERY independent with her management,but she gets VERY angry when I ask her if she remembered to cover. Although I am proud of her independence, I feel it's my responsibility as her mom to confirm that she is taking care of her insulin doses. Her BG runs high on most days and I can't get her to check very often. I know this is a terrible disease for her to have to deal with and I don't want to "punish" her for not checking or covering,but, at the same time, I think, if she's responsible for doing the dishes and she doesn't, then there'd be a consequence for that. I don't want her "consequence" for not checking and covering or not allowing me to help her to be long term damage to her body! Any suggestions???
Responses
Ginger Vieira says
Hi Dawn!
Your daughter is lucky to have a mom who not only wants to help her manage her diabetes but also appreciates that she is very independent. I have a couple of suggestions for you:
1. Try this conversation:
MOM: Do you to manage your diabetes as healthfully as you can?
Daughter: Yes.
MOM: How can I best support you in your diabetes management? What can I do for you that will help you be the healthiest diabetic you can be?
Daughter: _____________.
Another conversation:
MOM: Did you remember to bolus?
Daughter: Yes, mom! Geez, stop pestering me. I can do this myself.
MOM: I know you are very smart and very capable, honey, but I'm your mother and I love you. You are 11 years old and managing diabetes is a really big job. As your mom, it's my job to take care of you. I only ask if you remembered your bolus because I love you and I want you to be healthy and happy.
Daughter: Okay, mom...I get it...but I don't need your help like that.
MOM: Does that mean you always remember to bolus for your meals?
Daughter: ....no.
MOM: Then is it okay if I help a little by simply asking in order to help you remember?
Daughter: ...I guess.
or
Daughter: No, I don't need your help.
MOM: What is the best way I can support you in your diabetes management?
Daughter: ___________.
I was a very independent teenager myself, and my diabetes was own responsibility from the age of 13. My mother never gave me an injection or counted my carbohydrates. Now, we're all different, but she gave me the freedom I needed because I like to take care of things myself. Maybe your daughter will relish the freedom and appreciate when you back off a little, then she'll take the reigns full herself. Either way, ask her what she needs. She's obviously a mature young girl, so she can handle the conversation.
Gary Scheiner says
Dear Dawn -
Congratulations on getting your daughter on a pump and moving her towards greater self-responsibility.
At 11 years old, it is extremely unlikely that she can self-manage her diabetes. At that age, kids don't properly comprehend long-term ramifications or justification for daily self-management activities. It requires a well thought-out balance between parental oversight/guidance and the child's performances of essential tasks to make things work right.
In most cases, kids are not ready to truly self-manage until they are well into their teens, and in some cases, their 20s. Until then, I'd recommend deciding on appropriate roles/responsibilities as well as expected behaviors and immediate consequences when behaviors are not appropriate.
