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My son was diagnosed at 5 1/2 and is now 8 1/2. I can see him struggling with having diabetes lately, like sneaking food. In the beginning of diagnosis, I use to feel bad for him and always sorry for him. Just lots of hugs and tears. I still feel the same way but I feel I am a bit confused on how to discipline him. Do I do the tough love and tell him.... "this is how it is and always will be so lets move on and deal with it" You always hear the stories of " My mom was tough ... never let me give up . Made me keep going forward" I feel I should be that way. Maybe it will make him strong and gain control more when he is older, BUT he is only 8. I know he wants to be independent. I know he is struggling not being "normal" like his friends. I feel that approach my be too tough at this age. On the other hand I do not want to coddle him. So confused and was wondering how everyone else treats their children with the disease.
Responses
Gary Scheiner says
As a parent, it is important that you set guidelines for your child to follow, and build structure into his life. Like it or not, he has a health condition that does not allow for unlimited eating. You might consider hooking up with a family therapist who could help you develop some ground rules that you and your child can live with... hopefully for a long, long time.Alicia H. McAuliffe-Fogarty says
This is a tricky area for parents....you don't want to punish your child fora disease that they didn't want in the first place, but you want them to
take care of themselves (which is hard to convey to children who are
8...because they are worried about the here and now; not the future like
adults). So, having a frank conversation with your child can be helpful and
discuss a plan with him. Explaining that there are no "no no's" in diabetes
(you just need to take insulin for it...when things are off limits they are
more tempting)...and explaining that the not taking insulin is the
problem-not the food. What I am not saying is to encourage bad nutrition,
but instead to eat a healthy diet that all "normal" kids should...include
some treats! Then, discussing a plan with some rewards built for taking
care of himself (not necessarily money or toys,but social reinforces like
privileges)....giving a reward for something intrinsically not rewarding is
helpful (just like adults buy new clothes after loosing weight).....and if
this doesn't work, talking with a psychologist or other mental healthcare
provider and your diabetes team may be helpful.
Ginger Vieira says
As a person with Type 1 diabetes myself, I know one of the most important things I've done for myself is to never make any foods "off-limits." No matter what age you are, when you tell someone they can't have something, they want it even more. And further, we don't need to stay away from candy and junk 100% of the time...as a "treat" in the diet, it's okay, even for a child with diabetes, to enjoy sweets and dessert.Here is a blog, Cookies and Candy for Kids with Diabetes I wrote, that discusses this exact aspect of raising a child with diabetes.
The goal, I believe, in raising a child with diabetes, is to teach them about their options, about the benefits of healthier foods, and that desserts should be enjoyed in moderation once in a while. It isn't easy to raise a child with diabetes, but you're doing a great job, and hopefully you can help your son grow up with a very positive relationship with food instead of feeling like food is the forbidden enemy.
Laura Plunkett says
This is what I would add to what has already been said:My son Dan was diagnosed right before he turned eight and he is now
seventeen. As I look back, one of the defining conversations we had at least once a year went like this:
Dan: I just wish I could eat tons of pizza and not even think about it.
Laura: I know. Food is your thing. Some kids have parents that fight all the time. Some kids have learning issues and don't get good grades. Some kids try out for sports and can't make the teams. Everyone has something and you have diabetes.
Dan: Yeah, that's true. Sam's mother has cancer...
I think it is important to be loving, sympathetic and flexible when kids are
burned out or feeling sad about their diabetes. That said, over time, seeing the diabetes challenge as one part of a life with many blessings helps the family keep the priorities on making good food and exercise decisions in a matter of fact way.
